Bringing Back the Joy as Grandma

Having my grandson Aidan in my life has brought my husband and I a new kind of joy that can only be felt by a grandparent. 

Christmas is my favorite time of year. With the holidays drawing near, I can't help but think of all the joyful Christmas mornings I had while my girls were growing up.  The beautiful lights, the spirit of giving and feelings of hope, along with the sheer wonderment kids experience during this season. 

Even sleepy eyes can't hide their excitement! Christmas 2005

My favorite part of Christmas has always been the first moments of Christmas morning. My three daughters tried so hard to contain their excitement, but their shining faces and wide eyes as they looked at this years loot always gave them away. And it always made my year. 

The last few Christmas's have been hard on me. It's been difficult to get Nikki, Cheyenne, and Alexa home together on Christmas morning. Have you other grandparents missed the joy of Christmas morning? Do you feel like the holidays are missing something now that Christmas morning is about scheduling conflicts instead of Santa? I know I do. 

Now that I'm a grandma, the wonder of Christmas morning and the mystery of Santa Clause are back. 

Nikki is planning on spending the night at our house on Christmas Eve so that we can all watch Aidan's first Christmas morning as a family. 

Aidan was here for Christmas last year, but at one year old, he didn't understand what was happening or how to open a gift (heck, he didn't even know what a gift was!). 

Aidan Lee 1 Year Old Christmas 2016

This is one of the most important things I've learned since I've become a grandparent. Having grandkids brings back so much joy and happiness into everyone's lives. 

After Aidan was born, I was so caught up in freaking out about becoming a grandma so young that I never gave a thought about all the wonderful things he would bring into my life. 

If you're a young grandparent like me, was your first reaction similar to mine; no way was anyone calling me grandma? If it was, have you found yourself so deep in love now that a single hug from that beautiful child makes your terrible day better? 

I hope all of you have found the joy in being a grandparent, no matter what your age. 

I found a cute slideshow on Grandparents.com that highlights, in a fun way, a few of the best perks of being a grandparent. Please share with us your favorite slides in the comments section.  Mine is slide 4, "You find yourself turning into an awful liar." Enjoy!

Best to you and yours during this holiday season,
Carly

And Adian is His Name-O

When you have a surprise baby, there's no planning. You're not able to prepare for the big things, like a crib, high chairs, changing tables, diapers, blankies, booties, ear wax removal kits (everyone gets one of those, right?).

There's also no time to choose a name.  

I guess it's lucky, then, that Nikki didn't have to suffer through the "name game" ordeal. In fact, I think Nikki may have had the easiest time choosing a name than any other parent I've known. 

After arriving at the hospital, establishing that both Nikki and her baby boy were okay, naturally, the first thing I asked her was, "What are you going to name him?" I don't remember the exact name she suggested. All I remember was that it was awful! 

Of course, I didn't want to hurt Nikki's feelings, so I made the mmhhmm sound and stayed quiet for a minute. Then I said, "What about Aidan"? This was a name I loved for many years, and since my husband's roots come straight from Ireland, I thought it was a good fit.

Nikki thought for about half a second. Then she said, "Aidan it is!" About three seconds later, she looked at the tiny baby in her arms and said, "Hello Aidan Lee McCormack." And that was that. 

Did any of you spend agonizing hours trying to find the perfect name? Trying this one and that one on for size? Did anyone else pick a name and then try to find the most horrible rhyming words possible to help your child avoid being bullied at school? 

I hope so. Otherwise, I feel very alone! Share your naming nightmares and help me feel a little better about the stress I brought on myself while I was choosing names for my daughter.

I guess it's only fair that since she endured hours of labor alone, on a bedroom floor, that Nikki had an easy time picking a name. I feel honored that Nikki barely had to think about choosing the name I suggested. Lee, in case anyone is wondering, is Nikki's dad's middle name. So Tim and I were privileged enough to have some influence in the name of our grandchild. 

With all the names and spellings in the world today, I thought it'd be nice to post a link to a baby naming website. This site not only suggests names, but gives advice on how to choose a name, and gives meanings, origins, and inspirations for baby names. It's called Baby Center. Feel free to pass it on. Facebook it, Twitter it, Google+ it, or Reddit it! Most of all, Aidan says have fun with it.

Best to you and yours,
Carly

How Could You Not Know?

After my grandson was born I was asked thousands of times how my daughter didn’t know she was pregnant. And to be honest, when she swore to me she didn’t know she had a baby on board, I really didn’t believe her.

Seriously, how can a woman be pregnant for nine whole months and not know? If it was your daughter who gave birth on a bedroom floor, would you really believe she didn’t know that baby was coming? It seems incredible, doesn’t it? The truth is, it is entirely possible. Not only is it possible, there is a medical term for not knowing when one is pregnant.

It’s called pregnancy denial. 

When Nikki told me, over and over, she just didn’t know, I figured what most mothers would. That she was too scared to tell me, so she hid the pregnancy and lied when asked about it.

But some things about that didn’t add up for me. For one, Nikki has always loved children and wanted to be a mother her whole life. Nikki didn’t receive any prenatal care, and, in fact, smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol while she was pregnant. I couldn’t make myself understand why she’d risk the health of her baby to avoid telling her parents she was pregnant.

I knew in my heart that if Nikki had known she was carrying a child, she would have done everything possible to make sure that child was healthy.

So, despite my hesitations, I had to at least try to believe her. I started doing some research on these types of childbirth, and to my surprise, found that it’s not as uncommon as one would think.

I found a web article called Pregnancy Denial which states that at 20 weeks of pregnancy, 1 in 475 women deny that they are pregnant. By the time of delivery, that number drops to about 1 in 2500. The article goes on to explain the types of pregnancy denial most women experience. 

By the information listed on that site, Nikki seemed to have suffered from Pervasive Denial. This is the type of pregnancy denial experienced by 36% of women, and it means that the woman just does not allow the possibility of pregnancy to enter her consciousness. 

Everything Nikki told me, starting with her weight gain and ending with thinking she was having period cramps when she was really in labor, lined up with this Pervasive Denial. 

It's easier to believe a woman just won't admit she's pregnant than believing she didn't know. Especially if you're a woman who has had children. The reality is that a woman not knowing she's pregnant can and does happen. 

I learned surprise babies are not that uncommon. How many of you reading this have had a "surprise" baby come into your life? I'd love to hear your story. I know for me, it helps to know I'm not alone in having this experience. It's a shocking and life-changing one, that's for sure! 

I'm thankful that both my daughter and grandson came through this ordeal with no lasting trauma. They were both very lucky, and my life is full of so much more joy now that Aidan Lee is part of it. 

I ask my readers to pass this knowledge forwards. Share it on your social media. Tell the story during lunch breaks. Let others know that pregnancy denial is real and that it can happen to any woman. 

If you're interested in further research on pregnancy denial, another informative website is https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3128877/. It's more of a scientific review of the subject, but it has great information.

Another good article refers to the condition as "cryptic pregnancy" and can be found at https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-sex-and-babies/201107/how-could-you-be-pregnant-months-and-not-know-it.

Best to you and yours,

Carly

Bedroom Floor Baby

Parenting adults can be harder than raising young children. I mentioned that before, and I'm curious, does anyone else feel the same? But did I know just how hard before 2015? Not even close!

The night my grandson was born is a night I will never forget, but not for the reasons you'd expect. 

As I tell this story, I beg you to stay with me. Believe me, the twist is worth it!

I was doing some last-minute shopping at Wal-Mart the evening of December 23. As I left the store, there was a light snowfall and the temperature was mild, probably about 20 degrees or so. A beautiful winter night. Then my phone rang. 

I answered the call, seeing it was my husband, who works third shift. It was strange for him to be calling around 8 at night, so I was instantly curious. As I loaded my bags into the back of my trunk I answered, "Hey honey. What's up?'. That is the moment my life changed forever.

My husband, a characteristically calm and passive man, was almost in hysterics. I couldn't even make out what he was saying at first. After several attempts, I managed to calm him down enough to understand what he was saying. "Nikki gave birth to a baby on her bedroom floor and they are both on the way to the hospital." 

Okay. Let that sink in for a minute. Yes, I said bedroom floor. No, we did not know she was pregnant. There had been some suspicion, but Nicole was adamant when asked; she was NOT pregnant. 

There I am, getting snowed on in a crowded parking lot, stunned and shocked into silence. My husband, Tim, yelled, "Did you hear me? Nikki just delivered a baby boy on her bedroom floor!" I snapped out of my stupor. Now panic started to set in. 

I told Tim, yes, I heard him and pressed for more details. What happened? Is my daughter okay? Is the baby okay? What hospital are they taking them to? There were no answers to these questions. We simply did not know. 

At the time of Aidan's birth, Nikki was living with a couple in their home. I contacted her roommate, hoping for more answers, but could only find out what hospital Nikki and the baby were taken to. 

I hopped into my truck and headed toward the hospital. On the way, I picked up Nikki's twin, Cheyenne. I'm not sure how, but word began to spread that Nicole had delivered a baby because my phone did not stop ringing. Family members were calling constantly, asking for details I didn't have. All I knew was that I had to find out if my daughter was okay. I was as scared as I'd ever been in my life.

I cried so much before getting to the hospital that I water damaged my phone. No joke. I had to get it replaced shortly afterward.

Finally, Cheyenne and I arrived at the hospital. I had banned everyone else from coming until further notice. This was my daughter dammit, and I was going to make sure she was fine before letting family swarm her. 

We walked into her room and there they were, mother and son. Thankfully, miraculously, they were both just fine. Nicole came through the birth without incident, and Aidan was as healthy as any newborn baby can be. 

Aidan and Nicole came home on Christmas Day. Our special, and unexpected, Christmas miracle. Although I refused to let anyone call me "grandma" for the first month or so, Aidan has become the joy of our lives. I wasn't ready to become a grandma, but I wasn't given much choice in the matter! 

That's how I became a grandmother, two days before Christmas in 2015. A surprise baby born on a bedroom floor. 

Best to you and yours,

Carly

Becoming Grandma at 37

It's natural when children get older to start thinking about your own future. That is your future without small creatures running around and generally causing chaos. For me, finishing college, traveling with my husband, and enjoying an empty, quiet nest was in the foreseeable future.

Did anyone else dream of a future without your children? Or am I the only parent who looked forward to an empty nest?

Either way, I soon learned the naked truth. The simple reality that no one shares with parents until it's too late. 

Parenting adults are much harder and a great deal more stressful than parenting children.

Adult children don't listen, don't take advice, and still expect to get all the perks of being "your kid".

My dream of an empty nest may have been coming true, but it was minus the quiet part.

Parents of young adults struggle with plenty of worries. One of the biggest worries shared by most parents is teenage pregnancy. Happily, I made it through raising three daughters without realizing that fear.

Then the baby bomb came. My daughter Nicole delivered my first grandchild when she was 21. I was only 37 years old when the baby was born. 

For those of you who are great at math (congratulations, by the way), the answer is yes, I was fifteen when my twin daughters were born. 

I'm going to share a very private detail of my life with you. A detail I usually only share if it's absolutely necessary. In this case, I feel it is. So, with my daughters’ permission, I'll let you in on this detail. 

My two oldest daughters, the twins, are not my biological children. I married their father when I was nineteen, and shortly afterward, when the twins were four, they came to live with myself, my husband, and our newborn baby girl. 

Me and my girls (clockwise): Chey, myself, Alexa, and Nikki 

We are a family. Cheyenne Autumn and Nicole Shawna are my daughters in every sense of the word, no different than Alexa Kim, our youngest girl. We do not use the term "step" or "half" in our home. It simply doesn't apply. 

On December 23, 2015, Aidan Lee joined our family. I was officially a grandparent before I turned forty. Boy did I feel old. 

Now I have an adult child who still needs my guidance, but she's a plus one. 

I cannot wait to have many fun, entertaining, loving, frustrating, and delightful conversations about families with everyone. One of the irksome things about being a young grandparent is the lack of a community in which to express yourself. We're a small group and being able to share in each other's experiences is something I'm looking forward to. I invite you all to share your stories of being young grandparents; the joy, the hardships, any and all comments and feelings are welcome!

So, three daughters, no teen pregnancy, you may be thinking "hey, you did great!". If so, make sure you come back and read my next post, where I'll tell you about the circumstances surrounding my grandson's birth. It's a story you don't want to miss!

Best to you and yours,
Carly