And Adian is His Name-O

When you have a surprise baby, there's no planning. You're not able to prepare for the big things, like a crib, high chairs, changing tables, diapers, blankies, booties, ear wax removal kits (everyone gets one of those, right?).

There's also no time to choose a name.  

I guess it's lucky, then, that Nikki didn't have to suffer through the "name game" ordeal. In fact, I think Nikki may have had the easiest time choosing a name than any other parent I've known. 

After arriving at the hospital, establishing that both Nikki and her baby boy were okay, naturally, the first thing I asked her was, "What are you going to name him?" I don't remember the exact name she suggested. All I remember was that it was awful! 

Of course, I didn't want to hurt Nikki's feelings, so I made the mmhhmm sound and stayed quiet for a minute. Then I said, "What about Aidan"? This was a name I loved for many years, and since my husband's roots come straight from Ireland, I thought it was a good fit.

Nikki thought for about half a second. Then she said, "Aidan it is!" About three seconds later, she looked at the tiny baby in her arms and said, "Hello Aidan Lee McCormack." And that was that. 

Did any of you spend agonizing hours trying to find the perfect name? Trying this one and that one on for size? Did anyone else pick a name and then try to find the most horrible rhyming words possible to help your child avoid being bullied at school? 

I hope so. Otherwise, I feel very alone! Share your naming nightmares and help me feel a little better about the stress I brought on myself while I was choosing names for my daughter.

I guess it's only fair that since she endured hours of labor alone, on a bedroom floor, that Nikki had an easy time picking a name. I feel honored that Nikki barely had to think about choosing the name I suggested. Lee, in case anyone is wondering, is Nikki's dad's middle name. So Tim and I were privileged enough to have some influence in the name of our grandchild. 

With all the names and spellings in the world today, I thought it'd be nice to post a link to a baby naming website. This site not only suggests names, but gives advice on how to choose a name, and gives meanings, origins, and inspirations for baby names. It's called Baby Center. Feel free to pass it on. Facebook it, Twitter it, Google+ it, or Reddit it! Most of all, Aidan says have fun with it.

Best to you and yours,
Carly

How Could You Not Know?

After my grandson was born I was asked thousands of times how my daughter didn’t know she was pregnant. And to be honest, when she swore to me she didn’t know she had a baby on board, I really didn’t believe her.

Seriously, how can a woman be pregnant for nine whole months and not know? If it was your daughter who gave birth on a bedroom floor, would you really believe she didn’t know that baby was coming? It seems incredible, doesn’t it? The truth is, it is entirely possible. Not only is it possible, there is a medical term for not knowing when one is pregnant.

It’s called pregnancy denial. 

When Nikki told me, over and over, she just didn’t know, I figured what most mothers would. That she was too scared to tell me, so she hid the pregnancy and lied when asked about it.

But some things about that didn’t add up for me. For one, Nikki has always loved children and wanted to be a mother her whole life. Nikki didn’t receive any prenatal care, and, in fact, smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol while she was pregnant. I couldn’t make myself understand why she’d risk the health of her baby to avoid telling her parents she was pregnant.

I knew in my heart that if Nikki had known she was carrying a child, she would have done everything possible to make sure that child was healthy.

So, despite my hesitations, I had to at least try to believe her. I started doing some research on these types of childbirth, and to my surprise, found that it’s not as uncommon as one would think.

I found a web article called Pregnancy Denial which states that at 20 weeks of pregnancy, 1 in 475 women deny that they are pregnant. By the time of delivery, that number drops to about 1 in 2500. The article goes on to explain the types of pregnancy denial most women experience. 

By the information listed on that site, Nikki seemed to have suffered from Pervasive Denial. This is the type of pregnancy denial experienced by 36% of women, and it means that the woman just does not allow the possibility of pregnancy to enter her consciousness. 

Everything Nikki told me, starting with her weight gain and ending with thinking she was having period cramps when she was really in labor, lined up with this Pervasive Denial. 

It's easier to believe a woman just won't admit she's pregnant than believing she didn't know. Especially if you're a woman who has had children. The reality is that a woman not knowing she's pregnant can and does happen. 

I learned surprise babies are not that uncommon. How many of you reading this have had a "surprise" baby come into your life? I'd love to hear your story. I know for me, it helps to know I'm not alone in having this experience. It's a shocking and life-changing one, that's for sure! 

I'm thankful that both my daughter and grandson came through this ordeal with no lasting trauma. They were both very lucky, and my life is full of so much more joy now that Aidan Lee is part of it. 

I ask my readers to pass this knowledge forwards. Share it on your social media. Tell the story during lunch breaks. Let others know that pregnancy denial is real and that it can happen to any woman. 

If you're interested in further research on pregnancy denial, another informative website is https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3128877/. It's more of a scientific review of the subject, but it has great information.

Another good article refers to the condition as "cryptic pregnancy" and can be found at https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-sex-and-babies/201107/how-could-you-be-pregnant-months-and-not-know-it.

Best to you and yours,

Carly